This is How it's Done

I’ve known Bobbie and Robert since we were in the first grade together. Bobbie and I were part of the same group of friends throughout grade school and high school, as is documented in the photos for all my birthday parties. Robert swept her off her feet, marrying her when they were still very young. We’ve kept in touch all these years even as our lives went in different directions – me moving around the country and them raising their delightful children, Devon and Derek. I’ve known Bobbie forever, but we never had the chance to spend a lot of time together – until now.

This year was Bobbie and Robert’s 30th wedding anniversary – yes, thirty - and they decided to take their first trip overseas to visit us in France. We were delighted to be their host and show them the country that we’ve come to treasure. Mike and I were worried that they wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy themselves in a place so foreign to them but we were wrong!

As we spent time in France together – going to dinner for their anniversary or shopping for an anniversary gift from Robert – the reaction from everyone was the same. Wow – thirty years! How’d you do that? During our week together, Mike and I saw their magic formula – respect, fun and laughter. While they experienced many “firsts” with us, it was clear that mutual respect was something at which they were well practiced. Mike and I were honored to provide an environment for the fun and laughter.

After picking them up at the airport, we drove to Antibes on the French Riviera for lunch. Even tired, they jumped right into their first French experience. We had a nice lunch at an outdoor café. It was a perfect day, warm but not hot, (a treat after the hot Texas weather) filled with the mingled smells from bakeries, cafes, and restaurants, and a breeze from the water. This was also their first introduction to French coffee – very small cups filled with strong, black coffee. We wished for a camera as Bobbie scrunched up her face at the first sip. Robert, on the other hand, liked it….after adding sugar and cream. The tiny cup in Robert’s large hand made it look like he was at a child’s tea party! After lunch, they enjoyed a walk along the old walls of the city with the Mediterranean sparkling below. The turquoise water and blue sky made a beautiful backdrop for the first of many photos. And, of course, no trip to the Med is complete – for the men – without looking for women sunbathing topless. Mike was successful in introducing Robert to this…..um, treat? (Ask Robert for the photos.)

The next day was the market in Cotignac and Mike and I were excited to show them our little village filled with the colorful stalls of food, clothes, jewelry, olive oils and table cloths. The village is at its best on market day – bustling with activity, voices buzzing excitedly, kids running around and dogs following quietly –for the most part – behind their owners. I was particularly attentive to Bobbie and Robert because I wanted to ensure that they didn’t feel uncomfortable in a foreign country with a different language. They followed us as we started our grocery shopping, but we soon lost them. When we found them again, Robert was wearing a new straw hat, and Bobbie had on a new bracelet. They were managing just fine without us! And that pattern continued throughout their visit.

Robert had no trouble communicating with the vendors and making friends in the process. For example, we were in the Cours one afternoon. I was running errands and they were shopping. When I spotted Robert, he was outside a shop “talking” to a man about his German shepherd dog. By the time I walked up he knew the dog’s name and had taken his photo! On another day, the gardeners for our yard stopped by to do some trimming. I glanced out the window in time to see Robert in an animated conversation – hands flying– with the gardeners. Thanks to Robert we now know where our gardener lives and his family’s history. My favorite moment was at a restaurant in Cassis. I had been helping order food and drinks (Bobbie loved the wine!) but we forgot to order a beer for Robert. In France, it’s sometime necessary to flag down the wait staff and this was one of those times. Before I knew it, Robert saw the waiter and out came, “Monsieur!” The waiter responded promptly and Robert had a cold glass of beer in a flash.

And then there was Bobbie. On her first morning here, she joined me for my walk up to the Sanctuary. We were walking through the Cours when I heard her bright, cheery voice chime out with “Bonjour!” to a passing woman. Amazing. And this was just her first day and with no coaching from me about French words.

The afternoon after the market we took them for their first wine tasting at a neighboring vineyard, Carpe Diem. It is almost time for the harvest – les vendanges – in our area, and all the vineyards are gearing up. Sure enough, when we arrived at Carpe Diem there was a machine working the rows of vines. The machine – a narrow tractor, with vertical spinning blades for cutting – traveled up and down the rows cutting the protruding vines’ branches. After the machine completed its work, the rows were perfectly pruned and looked like long, bright green hedges with bunches of grapes hanging at the bottom. We think this makes it easier for the pickers to reach the grapes. Robert was able to take knowledge of Texas farming and translate it to what he was seeing in France. Later in their visit – on their last day – we saw the pickers. We stopped to watch them snipping bunches of grapes by hand with small clippers – like the smallest ones I use in our Annapolis garden – and drop the deep purple bunches into a bucket to be transferred to a wagon. But…back to the wine tasting.

They got the full treatment! They tasted two whites, two roses, and two reds. The woman at the vineyard was very helpful and patient with us. We enjoyed swirling the wines in our glasses, sipping, sloshing, drinking or spitting. Bobbie and I did a lot of spitting but Robert drank all of his! This was a moment – the first of many – that made me realize how unpredictable and remarkable life is. Who would have thought that three childhood friends from Smithville would be sipping wine in a vineyard in France together? And experiences like this just kept coming.

One of my favorite excursions was to the charming, little, fishing village of Cassis. It has a beautiful harbor surrounded by narrow village houses in warm colors with shuttered windows typical of France. In front of the buildings, floating in crystal blue water are small sail boats, little runabouts, and a few tour boats. Bobbie’s request was to go out on a boat into the Mediterranean. It turned out to be an excellent idea. We took one of the tour boats to view the Calanques. The Calanques are white rock cliffs along the water’s edge that have, over centuries, eroded into dramatic shapes like vertical columns interspersed with sculptural, green pine trees. The white of the cliffs rise dramatically above the water, framed between the blue-green water and the cobalt sky. Periodically, the cliffs weathered into windows – openings in the rock that allowed the blue sky to peek through. Their craggy formations create natural harbors that cut deeply into the coastline. It was a wonderful boat trip on a warm sunny day in the French Mediterranean. What could be better? After lunch of fresh seafood, Bobbie and Robert wanted to walk along the beach – another good idea – with the warmth of the sun contrasting with the cool water. The beaches in France tend to be rocky – not at all like the sandy beaches of south Texas. We discovered that the rocks were weathered into smooth, ovals about the size of quarters and dimes. When wet, they glistened at our feet like shiny white, grey, black and tan jewels. It was captivating! We left with a small handful of these jewels to remind us of our wonderful day together.

Bobbie, Robert and I drove up to Moustier-Ste-Marie, a charming village set into the side of a rock gorge and is known for it’s white, hand painted pottery. The town is literally built along two sides of a gorge so that the waterfalls and rushing stream cascade through the middle of the village. Geraniums fall over the edges of window sills and flower boxes along the gorge railing. There is a restaurant set into the gorge below street level. I’d always wanted to try it so we took advantage of the opportunity. The food was good, but the waiter made the experience. There was a table for four next to the water, and for whatever reason, he shooed away two other people so that we could have it. He quickly discovered that we were from Texas and that seemed to be a magic alixir. He brought pieces of bread over to feed the trout in the stream next to us, asking if we had trout in Texas, too. There was desert included in two of our meals, but he brought an extra one as a “gift” and came back with yet another desert that was the specialty of the region. It was yummy and we were full, but we were mostly impressed by his friendliness. Moustier is where Bobbie experienced the public toilets in France. In this case, it was a hole in the floor surrounded by a porcelain basin with two places for your feet. After the shock wore off, she laughed and pretended she was in the woods! After lunch we took a short drive along the rim of the Gorges du Verdon. The French consider it their Grand Canyon. It is a deep, narrow gorge cut out of shear white rock with a small river running along the bottom. Pine trees grow from craggy ledges where the road clings to the side. Robert remarked that it was as beautiful as anything they had seen in the States – and they’ve seen a lot of beautiful country in their many camping trips.


After a successful boat trip for Bobbie, we wanted to do something special for Robert. Robert is a history buff so a visit to the old city of Avignon to see the Palais des Papes (Palace of the Popes) was in order. Growing up in Texas, “old” usually means the 1700s. In Avignon, however, “old” is more like the turn of the millenium – the previous millenium. The city is ringed by an ancient wall that Robert had read about. The Popes Palace, started in the 1200s, is filled with history, but not much else. It was interesting to see the ancient building and think about all that transpired there, but a little goes a long way. We had already spent a delightful time at a beautiful garden across the river with the remains of a chapel and cemetery from the 1100s. Bobbie posed for us on top of a crypt and Mike and I shared a kiss at the remains of the altar. We were the only ones there to enjoy the warm smell of pine trees and the gnarled tree trunks in the ancient olive grove. And we had one final toilet experience. This time we introduced them to the self-cleaning toilets. They are oval tubes that lock after you finish while they spray water and cleaner inside the tube that cleans the entire contraption. It took all of us to sort out how to use it.

One of the highlights of our visit to Avignon came after we stopped for Bobbie’s first taste of gelato (Italian ice cream). Robert didn’t have any as he was busy scouting out the adjacent jewelry store. When we emerged from the gelato shop, he was ready. He wheeled Bobbie into the jewelry store, gelato in hand, to pick out something for herself (she’d been shopping non-stop for things for their kids and friends) for their anniversary. She emerged with a pretty Swarovski crystal ring with two intertwined hearts. What could be more perfect? He’s a very smart man!


It was such a treat to have Robert and Bobbie visit. It gave us a chance to catch up on all things Texas. We laughed all week about our unique vocabulary. Words and phrases like “git,” “lookey here,” getting a “whoopin’,” “cotton-pickin’,” “gimme,” and “over yonder” seemed to come out naturally. Mike needed a translator!

There were other shopping excursions, too. We went to the Sunday market in Salernes for a few last gifts. By this time, Bobbie and Robert were confident in shopping and buying in France. But, one of the most memorable shopping moments was in Cotignac for a couple of reasons. The local associations had booths set up on the Cours, including the Coyote Dancers. They were very excited to meet "real" Texans! After the exciting encounter with the "faux" Texans, Bobbie and Robert continued their search for a gift for their son-in-law, Chris. After much thought, we decided on a glass stamped with a brand of beer that is a local favorite. The only problem was that we had to convince someone at the Modern Bar to sell us a glass! We had stopped by the Modern Bar earlier in their trip and met Thomas who runs the bar.

Thomas must be one of the hardest working people in Cotignac. He can be seen running the Modern Bar every day and at all hours. He speaks wonderful English and was very gracious to Bobbie and Robert during our earlier visit. During our first visit when I introduced Bobbie and Robert to Thomas, Thomas asked if we liked “George.” Robert immediately responded that he loved George and that he has a ranch close to them in Texas. Bobbie asked for clarification – was it the first or second “George.” That’s when we realized that Thomas was asking about George Bush and Robert was thinking of George Strait! We could all agree on George Strait.

We went to see Thomas again in search of a glass. We explained that we were looking for a beer glass for Chris. He didn’t have the particular brand we were looking for but he had another one which he tried to give to Bobbie – free. Instead, we insisted on filling the glass with the beer which Bobbie and Robert drank in Chris’ honor and we paid Thomas for the beer and the glass. It will be a very special gift with a special story attached. Bobbie remarked that their goal is to come back to Cotignac with their kids and spouses so that Chris can drink is own beer at the Modern Bar. I hope they get their wish because, in that moment, Mike and I knew we’d gotten our wish - that they would enjoy their visit and maybe even want to return to Europe again some day.

The other memorable moment for me was watching Bobbie and Robert talk with Devon and Chris via Skype. We had a video connection between Devon and Chris (at 5:30AM Texas time, before they left for work) with Bobbie and Robert sitting on our patio under the linden tree. From the window of our house, we could see the four of them smiling and laughing. I overheard Robert say to Chris, “I didn’t think I’d like it, but I do! But your truck wouldn’t fit on any of these roads!” Mission accomplished with memories to spare.

Bobbie and Robert soaked up countless new experiences with gusto and openness. For example, Michael never missed an opportunity to introduce them to the local foods. They happily tried pastis (Robert says it tastes like Nyquil), kir, foie gras, pate, goat cheeses, gazpacho and octopus. We served them some of our favorites like Cavaillon melon with Parma ham (Robert noted that “the saltiness of the pork complemented the sweetness of the melon.” I’m not making that up!) and parmesan reggiano cheese with drop of balsamico. Bobbie noted that the balsamico was thirty years old just like their marriage! Not only did they experience new places and new foods, but they were attentive observers of the people, the landscape, and the lifestyle. Bobbie announced to me toward the end of their trip, “Robert and I have decided that people are wrong about France. Everyone is so nice here!” And, she’s right. It helps that Bobbie and Robert were so friendly to everyone they met, clearly enjoying each moment of their time here, relishing the differences in our cultures and language, and laughing all the way.

Our last day with them included a trip to Monaco with a visit to the royal Palace, and oohing and ahhing over the fancy cars in front of the Monte Carlo Grande Casino. It was with a sad but full heart that we dropped two tired travelers at their hotel that evening. I said goodbye to my longest friend, thankful for every day that we've known each other. Robert may have been with her for 30 years but I've been there for 46 years. And I'm better for it.

Bobbie and Robert showed us all how to approach a trip into foreign territory filled with all things unfamiliar. They came with gusto, optimism (Bobbie’s gift), and as partners for each other – their own recipe for 30 years together. It was their gift to me and Mike to be surrounded by their gusto, optimism and partnership. When it comes to sharing experiences with life-long friends, this is how it’s done.