In Memory of my Hat

I think I'm going crazy. Mike and I were on our way to Normandy for a week. We took the train to Paris and rented a car to see the sights. I took my good digital SLR camera and left it under the seat on the train! Yes - there were extenuating circumstances. We were both tired, had over-slept that morning and had to rush to catch the train. We'd slid the camera far under the seat so it wouldn't be visible when we went for coffee. That worked too well. But any way you look at it, I walked off the train without it and didn't realize it was missing until two hours later. I looked for it to photograph Monet's garden at Giverny. I was so upset by it - on many levels - I thought I'd write about it. Maybe I'd feel better or maybe others could relate.

You see, this also happened, on a much less expensive scale, in Switzerland. I wore my first Tour de France cap on that trip and lost it on the first day. Here's the thing - I loved that hat! I bought it in 1999 at my first Tour de France with my sister. That trip was also my honeymoon. I don't wear hats much but this one was soft, fit well and was packed with great memories. When I lost it, I felt like a part of me was missing.

So - what's up with all these feelings? On one hand I'm upset with my own forgetfulness. I've never been careless or forgetful, but lately, I forget everything - or so it seems. So maybe I'm upset by my loss of mental acuity. Or maybe it's that I lost something so expensive. Practically, it's one thing to lose a hat but another thing to lose an big camera. But, it feels like more. I imagine my poor little hat sitting somewhere looking like - well, a hat, when I know better. There's noone to look at it and smile, to put it on and feel surrounded by memoires and to take care of it. It is so lost without me! I feel like there's this hole inside me where that hat just fits. I have a pit in my stomach and stinging behind my eyes when I think of it. And this is not a family member, a friend, child or pet.....it's a hat!

And so it goes with my camera. It's stuck under a train seat - forlorn. I bought the camera years ago with an award from my job at ITE. In all honesty, it hasn't been indespensable to me. It's large so I don't take it everywhere - but still. Even if someone picked it up who can use it, they don't know the history and the stoires that it has recorded over the last several years.

I can remember the exact moment - with both the hat and the camera - when things went wrong. I keep thinking I should be able to roll back time to that moment and redo it - just a little. That's all it would take - to look under the seat and grab my camera. But, I can't roll back time. I'll try lost and found, just like I contacted the hotel where I left my hat. I think, however, that time will just keep rolling by.

Nonetheless, I firmly believe that all things work out for the best so I trust that this is the case with my camera and hat. I still want to say, particularly to my hat, thanks for the great times together. So long, my friend.