Courage

Last night our neighbors had a wonderful bon voyage party for us. It was fun to see all our friends and have a chance to visit before we leave Monday morning. We were touched by the warm wishes from everyone.
So many people congratulated us on having the focus to pursue our dream and the courage to go. I have to admit that I didn't think too much of those comments at the time. After all, I've always been focused. To me, it seems like I'm doing what I always do.
Courage has been a different matter
It started at the party. I found myself looking out at everyone and wondering why we were leaving such great people. For the first time, "What were you thinking?" passed through my mind. When I voiced that to friends, they all said the same thing - go, enjoy, we'll live through you, and we'll be here when you get back.


Today, however, was an emotional roller coaster. We spent much of the day packing - weighing - packing and reweighing. It looks like all the bags are under 50 pounds, barely. The big event of the day was taking our cat, Skeeter, to his new home for the year. I was an emotional mess all afternoon.
I know he'll be fine even though he's very old and there's always the chance he won't make it through the year. But he has a great new home and he's made it through lots of previous years. Leaving him, though, brought all the many goodbyes together. Skeeter was the surrogate for leaving everyone. It made me reconsider that word, "courage". Today, I did indeed need courage. I find that I need to fiercely hold to the original vision and know that this journey is worthy. As I cried in Skeeter's fur, I wondered why all the tears - now. As is the case so many times in life, fear was the underlying culprit. So what's there to fear? Here's my list: I'm afraid Skeeter won't be here when we get back; I'm afraid that the experience won't all we've envisioned; I'm afraid we'll be disappointed; I'm afraid that we'll lose the closeness of our current friendships; and I'm afraid we'll be forgotten. And, of course, there's nothing as scary as getting what you want. It helps to write it this down because as I write it, I realize that it will all be fine - better than fine. Our friends love and support us, Skeeter is in good hands, and the experience will be all it needs to be.

So, tomorrow we leave. I'm sure there'll be more tears as we drive away from our lovely home and our neighborhood. I leave remembering this quote: Courage is not the absence of fear but acting in spite of it.